Maybe I'm the faggot America

2008-02-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know these people.......

So last night was a family event night. Those that know me know that I am the youngest of seven kids and have parents that are a good bit older than me. It's fine. That's my life and that is the cross I was born to bear. It's called being CATHOLIC.

That's what you get when you are the product of a strict, ultra Catholic family that believes in family planning. Pop out a kid, wait 3-4 years, pop out another kid, abstain, use no other protection other than God's will and hope that the "pull out" method works every time. So as a result, you have this huge families with 7 kids or so where the oldest kid is about 23 years older than the youngest kid.

That's my life and I always view family gatherings with a great deal of amusement as I still realize that when my family gets together, I realize that I STILL do not know these fucking people. Seriously.

At this point in my life, I am still getting to know my oldest brother and I find out things about him that make me go "what the fuck!".

So last night was another opportunity to hang out with these strangers and always, I come away both confused and amused. Don't get me wrong, I actualy LOVE my family and they have gotten me through some very tough periods in my life.... but I still don't know these fucking people.

BROTHER #1 - the oldest brother. He is a good 28 years older than me and I actually have a niece that is older than me. I really don't know alot about him except he likes to party, owns a liquor distributorship, and gives me bottles of Patron whenever I need them. He also loves Virginia Tech football and revealed himself to be a staunch Democrat when for years have secretly resented him for being a George W Bush supporter. Seriously, that blew my mind.

Also, his daughter, my niece, has resented me most of my live because I took a lot of childhood attention away from her because I was the youngest. My niece has twin boys which are ill behaved and yes, I am a great uncle. I feel hella old.

SISTER - The only sister of 7 kids. My family is not good at producing females apparently. She has probably changed the most of any of my siblings as I grew up as I really think she tried to make me a little sister when I was younger. Apparently, she hoped that every kid my parents had would be that sister but no dice.

To be honest, she is kind of a bitch and is really kind of two faced. Her husband is Stan from "American Dad". He has had a career in the CIA and FBI and has been more of a brother to me than a random brother in law. He loves that GW Bush though and both he and my sister are kind of zealous Repubs. Karma has rewarded them with two hellcat sons.... one of the sons had a kid out of wedlock (a mortal sin in their eyes) and as fate would have it, their grandkid is a boy as well. So far, the boy to girl ratio in my family is 6 boys, 2 girls. It gets worst.

BROTHER #2 - Is 21 years older than me and probably the brother I am the closest with. He has two sons, one years older than me and the other my age. He is a staunch Democrat and really has supported everything I have ever done. His kid is basically my twin brother and of all the siblings, probably spend 75% of my time with this brother and his family. In a lot of ways, he is my substitute dad as my Dad was 50 when I was born.

His oldest son was the first kid to bring bastard kids into the family as he had a son when he was 18. It was interesting to hear the snarky comments my sister made until her kid had a bastard kid a few years later. See what I was saying about my family producing boys? It's an 10-2 count so far with the kid and grandkid count.

BROTHER #3 - Kind of the "loser" of the family although he and I get along very well. He had 2 failed marriages and each of his ex wifes were equally psychotic. He is a Boy Scout executive and even though he is really right wing, he keeps it to himself and is really accepting. His first daughter is a spoiled brat and has a spoiled brat daughter that she is pushing into beauty pageants at an alarmingly early age. (insert eye roll). He had a son and a daughter from his second marriage and despite having a psychotic mom, they seem very normal. It's weird as even though this brother is kind of the "black sheep" his kids seems to adore him the most.

He did bring some estrogen into the family though as we are now at 12-5.

Now at this point, my parent went about 10 years without having kids. Apparently four was enough. Then came:

BROTHER #4: This one confuses me as we are only 8 years apart but as much as I think I know him, I know him even less. He's been married twice and the second wife is overbearing and a loon. But she is fun. Her Dad looks like John McCain and that kind of creeps me out but the real change is my brother. He used to be this really fun hellraiser, now he is a huge Republican. On every aspect except the gay marriage thing. He thinks that is fucking stupid. But other than that, he is a GW Bush clone.

He seems to be constantly changing. He used to drink alot, then found God and stopped, then apparently got pissed at God and drinks again. He's fun though and I love spending time with his right wing ass. He has a boy and a girl that I adore and his kids are the reason I want to have kids one day,

BROTHER #5: My closest sibling is also the most frustrating. I really don't know him anymore. I used to raise all kinds of hell with this guy, and did all kinds of things that make you fondly remember your childhood. Then he met a rich girl, got married, became a Republican and changed. Weird. He already ahs 2 boys, which makes me wonder how many kids they are going to have. His wife is determind to have a girl .... but as you can see, boys outnumber girls 17-6 so far....

I dunno why I posted all this shit..... but really after last night, all I know about my family is on this page.

Am I really that detached....

2008-01-20T09:13:00.000-08:00

Why not Kucinich???

Sooo I got a message from one of my friends yesterday telling me I should take the Kucinich stuff off my website because it is over for him. And seriously, I don't fucking get it.

I have to admit that I am NOT that thrilled with my Democrats after taking power in 2006. It's kinda like tearing into junk food when you are starving. Great and satisfying at first, but then you feel like shit a short time later and wish that you had settled for something better.

So I ask you this....... WHY are we settling for Hillary and Obama when we have a candidate right in front of us that supports our views????

Once again, people make me sick saying they are voting for Hillary cause she is a woman and Obama because he is black. And then the national pundits wonder is Obama is truly black enough? Its all bullshit, nad all of my fellow Dems are sheep, sheep, sheep.

If you really wonder which candidate it the blackest, look at the short white guy from Ohio. Think back to martin Luther King and what he stood for. King said that the triple evils of his day were militarism, racism, and economic exploitation. He said that these interests worked against the interests of humanity and the the Vietnam War and other US wars in the third world were evil manifestations of American militarism and an attempt to prevent other peoples from making "their arrival as full men" in the world ---- a reference to the underlying racism and economic exploitative nature of US Foreign Policy.

And everything old is new again. Applying King's theory to the current Iraq war and possible Iraq conflict, both Obama and Hillary fail miserably. Obama wants to add 100,000 troops to the U.S. Armed Forces, at a cost of over $100 billion - even as he proposes partial withdrawals from Iraq. Clinton seeks 80,000 new soldiers and Marines. As sure as the sun rises, a bigger U.S. military means more wars, and no money for domestic "change."

So it's Kucinich.

Personally, I have never had a candidate that mirrors me so well. Of all the major issues, we disagree only on the "No Child Left Behind" Act. I think that piece of crap should be abolished and he wants it maintained as the plan that Bush promised, not what actually happened.

What about Obama? We disagree on maintaining the Patriot Act, continuing the Iran Sanctions, and same sex marriage. It's not as clear what our differences are on the Kyoto Treaty and possible military action against Iran.

Hillary? It's even worse. She thinks that states should have their own say in setting the death penalty, supports the No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act and continued sanctions against Iran and possible military action against Iran. In addition she denies same sex marriages. But she does support civil unions and the Kyoto Treaty so I will trade that for the NCLB act.

And Edwards? Pretty much a mirror image of Hillary except he is confusing on the Kyoto Treaty.

So, we have basically the same candidate three ways pushed at us...

Or we have Kucinich. A candidate that really does think the way I do.

So if you are a huge Hillary and Obama supporter and are already spouting cliches when asked why you spooort them.... go here http://www.dehp.net/candidate/ and see if they truly support YOU.

2008-01-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

American Idiots

Just a whole bunch of rants that have been building up today that I really need to let loose with.
So I will try to keep my thoughts in paragraphs. It's been a frustrating week and I need to unload....

1) When did Americans get SO fucking stupid?

It's true. We are a nation of illiterate fucks. Keep in mind that I am an insurance agent for a Fortune 100 company and I am licensed in all 50 states, so I deal with a pretty good cross section of America. And it's sad to say that America, your lack of social skills, courtesy, and general respect for others is appalling.

Part of my job is undergoing a brief analysis of the insurance candidates educational and professional background so we can determine the discounts. I would say a third of my "clients" are adults with a high school education or less. We are talking 8th, and 9th grade educations here and these people are in America's daily work force. It's painful as hell having them do something as simple as reading a VIN number or the coverages from their policy.

OF course, I know that the US school system sucks and it is possible to forge a good living without a "proper education" but when did the schools start failing us. Everything in the public schools seems to have fallen completely to shit in the last 8 years or so and it amazes me that the collapse of the school systems under Bush is not more of a rallying point among everyone.

We should be mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. But we don't give a shit.

2) Put your fucking cell phones away!!!

Enough is enough. I am sick of hearing your inane conversations at the movies, at restaurants, at the mall, at the theme parks ... wherever I go. Its really passed the point of annoying anymore and I have really limited my use of my cell in public. And I have stopped picking up the cell when I am with people. It's just fucking rude to be out with people and have one member of your party blather incessantly to someone that was invited to go out, but was too fucking lazy to go out.

I was watching a episode of Criminal Minds not too long ago about a serial killer that used a device that would jam cell transmissions before he entered a house so no one could use a cell. The Mandy Patinkin character mentioned that these only cost a couple of hundred dollars and I have been looking in vain for a pocket sized one to take to the movies with me.

I would be my own personal cell jammer when I go to restaurants, movies, or basically anywhere. Consider me a superhero against rudeness everywhere as I reach smugly into my pocket when the movie starts and effectively render every ones cellphone useless for the next hour and forty five minutes.

Kinda selfish, I admit. But this is Amerika. We are all selfish fucks.

3) Kind of an add on to point 2, but a couple of more new cell phone rules:

Get a fucking earpiece for your phone if you drive

and

Don't walk around all day with a blue tooth earpiece

in your ear and not be on a call.

You look like a fucking tool.

4) Can we please get some restaurants to cater to people without kids and make their restaurants a KID FREE zone???

Seriously, I know that it will be ballsy and will eliminate a lot of your possible traffic, but trust me. Give me a good steak without having to hear the screaming, yelling, kicking, and crying of some ill trained rugrats and I will pay whatever price you want to charge. And I am not alone.

Case in point: We went out last night, a group of about 8 kidless guys to a higher end steakhouse. It had been a while since we had been together as a group and we did not mind overpaying for a good steak, couple of bottles of wine, and a chance to talk for a couple of hours and catch up. It would be worth it.

So after arriving and gathering every one's cell phone and locking them in the trunk of my car (Blonde's rule, and only one of the eight objected), we found our table and starting a night of what we hoped would be peaceful catching up.

Within 10 minutes, the waitress ushered in a family of 5: a mid 30ish couple with kids of around 4, 2 and an infant. I looked at Justin and rolled my eyes and he smirked back at me and his look told me to make the most of the night. And you know what? It was fucking miserable.

Right away, the kids were screaming and bitching saying they wanted "Macdonald" instead of what passed for kiddy fare at this restaurant. So we listened to Mom yell at Justin and Brittney (no shit) for the rest of the night to behave or they were going to go right home. Meanwhile Mom gave the baby a bag or Cheerios which the little rat threw all over our table. No apology came from Mom. Just that stupid pathetic "isn't my child so cute" smile.

Dad spent the whole night on his cellphone, telling the same story of a work meeting to three different people, and when he wasn't on the cell he complained that he could not smoke and that the kids were driving him crazy. Then midway through the meal, the 4 year old, since he was not getting McDonald's turned his chair away from his family's table, facing us, and proceeded to kick the back of my friend's chair.

Mom saw him kicking the chair and told him that was rude but really did nothing else. So the parents proceeded to ignore their kid. Not getting attention, this kid started to screech and yell and threw a full fledged tantrum. And since he was facing our table, we got the brunt of the noise. Meanwhile the 2 year old has chronic diarrhea and has to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes and the parents allow him to walk himself to the bathroom.

Keep in mind instead of following the path to the bathroom (about 20 feet away) this kid has to walk UNDER our table and expect us to move for him. I refused to move and said I did not care if the kid shit his pants or not, but Mom gave me a disapproving stare. Fuck her. I still did not move and made her get up and grab her kid from under our table and I got a dirty look.

WTF!!!!!

So yes. If you are an Orlando restaurant owner and your business is kind of struggling and you are reading this........ go kid free. Seriously. I dropped about $50 on my steak and drinks last night and did not really enjoy the night as I should of. If you can remove the kid irritation factor from my night, I would have gladly have paid you another $50.....

And I doubt I am not alone.........

2007-10-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Idaho? No... U da ho!

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

But it's true. Blonde is back, baby. In a new anonymous form albeit. Seems nosy co-workers and other assorted stalkers insisted in ravaging the pages of my blogs looking for shit to use against me and try to tear me down personally...... but whatever doesn't kill you, yada yada yada.

But I decided. I missed writing. And no personal shit goes in this blog. Or if there is personal shit, let me categorically say right now that it is all LIES and BULLSHIT.

If you think that Hillary Clinton is a lightning rod for the right wing to attack, you have never spent a day in Blonde's shoes. And in case you have not gathered yet, I am named after Mr. Blonde... the baddest ass to ever grace film strips.

For those that know me and remember stuff..... the personal life is great. Status quo. Email me sometime and we will chat.

For the new people, I am leaving a few of my noteworthy posts on this site for you to get an idea of what Blonde is all about. And see if you want to get on this ride.

I start off today with a tribute to the fine folks in Idaho, who besides being the home of Napoleon Dynamite and rabid sheep fuckers, are also big fans of closetted, lying, whorish, hypocritical hate mongerers.

Hall of Fame loving that is.

BOISE, Idaho - Sen. Larry Craig has been chosen for induction into the Idaho Hall of Fame, despite his well-publicized arrest and guilty plea in an airport sex sting, officials said.

The nonprofit Idaho Hall of Fame Association picked Craig in March, months before he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after a Minneapolis airport police officer accused him of soliciting sex in the men's restroom, the organization's board chairman said.

"Larry Craig has made a great contribution to Idaho over the period of 20-some years. At the time it was considered, this other matter had not come up," Harry Magnuson told The Spokesman-Review newspaper Saturday.

But some Republicans said the honor is inappropriate now. Kootenai County Republican precinct committeeman Phil Thompson said Idaho Hall of Fame officials should consider at least postponing the induction.

"Maybe in 10 or 15 years we can think of this hall of fame stuff. Now is not the time," he said. "It's a sad day to be a Republican."

Craig vowed Thursday to serve out the last 15 months of his term, despite a court ruling that left intact his guilty plea in the sex sting operation

Now Seriously..... if the neo-cons can put THIS TRASH in a Hall of Fame ..... can we at least get some kind of a Blow Job monument for Clinton??

And 10 years later, don't you think the country getting all upset over a blow job is pretty fucking ridiculous now??

2006-11-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

Waking up in a new, BLUE, America

I love the smell of victory in the morning.

We have been licking our wounds for the last 6 years and today seem on the verge of total victory and control of the House and the Senate. Lest we forget, the Florida vote recount started 6 years ago TODAY.

The Blue Wave from last night is on the verge of becoming a full fledged tsunami depending on what happens in good ole Montana and Virginia.

Things are pretty much the way I left them at 3AM when I went to bed.

Jim Webb, the Dem, leads George Allen 50-49% with a vote total of 1,170,766 to 1,162,719 with roughly 33,000 votes still to be counted, most of them from Northern Virginia, aka WEBBLAND. In a scene eerily reminiscint of Florida 2000, George Allen had a speech to say he was going to bed and that every vote had better be counted. A few minutes later, Webb appeared to say "It's all over --- we won".

Virginia looks poised for a recount and legal matters but from all I am hearing, The Repubs were responsible for all the dirty tricks anyway.

Don't look for the Supreme Court to intercede in this one, kids.

It looks like all our hopes depend on Montana. YES, Montana. There, Democrat Jon Tester leads corrupt Conrad Burns 195,235 to 193,506. So I still feel pretty damn good there, although Burns has been nibbling at the lead all night. Still 1800 votes is pretty sizeable in Montana ..... it's not like 536 votes in Florida.

Over in the House, it was a blue tidal wave as the Democrats have a commanding 234-201 lead which, Mr President IS a mandate. So that means that the Dems now have subpeona power now so we will see if Nancy Pelosi is a vindictive leader or a bi-partisian one.

Personally, I'd love to see subpeonas and IMPEACHMENTS flying, but I don't think that would be good for the country. One thing this does mean is that W will have to learn to play well with others as this changes EVERYTHING.

Of course things bode well for 2008 and the Presidential race now, as Ohio appears to be back in the BLUE STATE category and even blue states that were wavering such as Pennsylvania are now a much darker shade of BLUE today.

So we got what we want.

Congrats to all the new Dems in the House and the Senate. It's our country once again.

Don't fuck it up this time.

2006-04-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

In spite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.....

I don't know whether to laugh or to fucking cry.

To rage against the machine or simply bend over and fucking take it.

I spent $50.00 on gas today.

Yea on ONE tank of fucking gas. It's gotten that bad.

Sad thing is I remember fondly back two years ago when I was planning a driving trip to Cincinnati for a weekend of Red's games. I was worried about gas being close to $2.00 a gallon THEN but the most I paid was around $1.75.

How I long for those days.

It's not even the gas price that I long for. The summer of 2004 was an awesome summer. So much hope with Kerry running. I was in love, the nation was on the right path, and everything was just going ... right. And the whole summer had a whole "yea it really sucks now, but things are gonna be better soon" vibe. The Democrats and help is on the way.

Now, it's just pure misery. Look around. People are fucking miserable out of their minds. And yes, it's true..... its KIND of what I wished for back after that November election ... (cue flash back effects and music to my old blog).... I think what I said was more direct:

"And all you ignorant fucks that voted for Bush, scared out of your minds by the prospect of boys kissing boys.... I say this to you directly. I HOPE YOU ARE FUCKING MISERABLE THE NEXT FOUR YEARS. Then maybe, you will realize how stupid it is to elect someone because of RELIGIOUS convictions".

Are we there yet? Are we really that fucking miserable yet?

It just pisses me off to no ends that the hope and optimism I had for this country just TWO years ago has been shattered and destroyed. Honestly we are in a fucking quagmire and there is no way of us getting out. I DON'T want to be that guy..... the guy that rants and raves about Bush and shaves his fist at the air, but I can't keep silent. So yea, I guess that's me. I'm the ranting, raving liberal fuck. Deal with it.

And I read the news. I read that in 50 years that if we continue on this course, the USA will no longer be a lone super power. We will be relegated to mid major status. And honestly that scares the fuck out of me. Our enemies have long memories and carry longer grudges and all they are waiting for is a sign of weakness to bring their atacks to our soil on a daily basis. It has happened to almost all of our European allies but never here except for 9/11. Because we had that swagger that siad do not fuck with us or our people. But that swagger is gone, a mere paper tiger of its former self. And we are vulnerable.

I mean come on, what the fuck has happened to our military now? We are undermanned and demoralized. and Neo-con's do NOT blame this on Clinton.

Remember the army that effectively ripped through Iraq in like 17 days and made Bush hang up a "Mission Accomplished" banner because we were kicking so much ass? Remember THAT army? Um hate to tell ya but that was Bill Clinton's army, bitches. Keep in mind that Bish's budget had yet to take effect when we invaded Iraq.

Now look at the situation we are in now and that is the effect Bush has had on it.

So yea. Once again, I have gotten off on a rant and probably alienated a few that wish to keep their hand in the sand and chat about things such as one night stands and cock sizes but I really can't keep quiet.

That's just me. As much as I have not wanted to become that stereotypical liberal screaming about Bush to a deaf ear, it is sadly me now.

Deal with it.

2006-04-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, EMPTY WALLETS??

Not that I mind spending whatever it takes to get what I want, but what's the deal with the version of Brokeback Mountain in stores now? You know what I mean, the extend scenes of Heath and Jake bumping and grinding and kissing .... and having that go on for minutes after Ang yells "CUT"!!

Yea, maybe that is wishful thinking....

But are they any good extended scenes/deleted scenes in this version of Brokeback Mountain.... or do we have to wait for the four disc version special BAREBACK MOUNTAIN release???

Come on Ang, don't make us wait for that unreleased footage...but I got the feeling it's not on this release.

Sigh. I guess I'll go to Best Buy and get THIS version anyway.....

You are talking to a boy that has 3 different Star Wars Trilogy collections (2 VHS, 1 DVD), as well as 3 single DVD's of the last 3 Star War movies and just waiting for a 6 pack.....

Yea I am weird about DVD's

2006-02-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Florida .... we LOVE to HATE you here.

It is pretty well known that Florida, specifically Orlando, is the number one tourist destination in the world...... but lost somewhere in the "Come to Florida" advertising campaign and cheap tacky coupon books promising 5 Tshirts for $10 is the fact that Florida is also a haven for hate. Hate groups, that is.

Florida rated NUMBER TWO in the country in the number of hate groups. And I am not even classifying the Republican National Committee as a hate group. Although it is a party based on hate, they are excluded from this.

Seriously I am shocked by this. And a bit shamed. We are less hateful than Mississippi and Alabama. And Wyoming, the Dakotas and wherever else Timothy McVeigh hung out with his cronies.

Yes, Florida has the wonderful Florida Keys where Ernest Hemingway spent many hours writing his classics. We also have 13 branches of the League of the South, a NEo-Confederate hate group.

And we have South Beach with the clubs for those that just have to be seen. And we have the National Association for the Advancement of White People ---- as if white people weren't advancing enough in today's society.

As Disney proclaims "It's a small world after all" and promotes diversity, the KKK proves to be as equally diverse. We have the Imperial Klans of America Kinghts of the Ku Klux Klan, the Southern White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan (isn't that name redundant?), the Aryan Nations Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, the Klan Store, the Mississippi White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, the National Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, and just the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

Who would have thought the KKK was so diverse. I will make a mental note to never invite memebrs of the Southern White Knights and the Mississippi White Knights to the same party. That is such a hate faux pas. Ms Manners would be ashamed.

But our hate is so much bigger than the Klans. We have the Council of Conservative Citizens (still not the Republican party, but I swear this is a PAC), the Women of Aryan Unity, the Jewish Defense League, the White Revolution, and the Hated. Technically shouldn't that be the HATERS?

Jacksonville is the most hate filled metro area with seven recognized hate groups. So as I previously did in my previous blog, let me give you the breakdown of living creatures in Jacksonville, Florida.

1) Cows

2) Members of hate groups

3) Human Beings

So the cows still rule Jacksonville.

But all joking aside, I find it a bit distressing that ther are 43 hate groups residing in my state. What fosters so much hate?

I can't believe in 2006, the Klan is still relevant.

It's just fucking sad.

For the record, South Carolina beat us out and it the most hate filled group.

2006-02-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

I see washed up celebrities
or Catlady sees a ghost

The worst thing about living in Orlando is that 1) people are always "dropping in" to vist and 2) they always want you to take them to see the "sights".

Such was the case this weekend when Justin's cousins dropped in on about 24 hours notice. I bypassed the trip to Disney because I am fucking sick of that place, but rather grudgingly (or was forced to) accept the invitation for the "night out" Saturday night.

The dinner was the highlight as I got to choose the place and they paid for my meal. The downfall is finding the wonderfully "trendy" nightspot to waste away the late night hours. Our guests chose to go to "Howl at the Moon" which is a ugh, piano/karoake bar.

See, it's classier than karoake because you have a real life piano player. That makes it ugh, fun.

Since I was getting unlimitted free booze and Luke was the designated driver, I made the most of it and put on a happy face. It was not THAT bad. I made the most of it cause I HAD to be there, but pray tell, what in the hell was JOEY FATONE and WAYNE BRADY doing there on a Saturday night?

Is that the life of a former "pop star"? To spend your Saturday nights at a tourist karoake bar singing N Sync songs in front of dozens of adoring fans (an a handful of disinterested ones)? And I really don't get Wayne Brady at all. But we were all treated to a hilarious (dripping with sarcasm) improv routine about a man getting ready for work.

Then he allowed fellow bar goers to yell out improv situations such as "You are an astronaut on the sun --- GO!" and Wayne did a side splitting routine about the sun being hot and him trying to walk on it. It's funny because a real astronaut would never walk on the sun. He would be disintegrated by the immense heat. Get it? HAHAHA.

I so wanted to yell out "You had your own network comedy show and now you hang out at piano karoake bars --- GO!!" But Justin would not let me and ordered me another drink. Ah, I love the boy cause he knows what I like.

Now going from dead careers to dead people, we come to the saga of the CATLADY, a co-worker of mine. I don't know if she actually has cats or not but she is only 26 and has an uncanny resemblence to the crazy Catlady from the Simpsons. A dead ringer from the dazed, crazed facial appearence to her attire.

Apparently she went to a psychic and was told that her dead relatives are constantly visitting her. And for some strange reason, she feels vindicated by this. Because she was losing her car keys and being late for work all the time. Now we come to realize that the reason she was late is because her wacky crazy dead Aunt Tilda is hiding her car keys on her as a joke. And apparently her dead brother Ben comes and stares at her when she is sleeeping. I shit you not, I was told this. WHY I was told this I am unaware because I did not feign interest at all. But yea.

Then meaning to comfort me, I guess, the CATLADY told me that her psychic told her that the dead visit all the time. So she said "Maybe you should talk to her. Maybe your (dead relative) comes and visits you".

And that is wrong for so many reasons.

1) If I don't like you, don't invoke the fact my (relative) is dead. That really doesn't concern you plus it's just fucking rude.

2) I love you (relative), but I really don't need you visitting me. I am quite OK. You know how I hate drop-in, and that counts for ghostly drop-ins too. You know that I like to walk around naked and you know what me and Justin like to do at least twice a day.

And no (relative), dead or alive, needs to see that.

2006-01-26T07:45:00.000-08:00

I hate the way you talk too.

My head hurts.

Has anyone else been watching Bush's press conference this morning?

The reporters are ripping him to shreds, bringing up everything from the Palestine elections, broken promises to New Orleans, out of control government spending, government spying, Iran nuclear weapons, our over extended army, Jack Abramoff, more unnecessary tax cuts, North Korea, the CIA leak, the President abusing his constitutional authority, unnecessarily and oh yea, Osama Bin Laden.

Wow, that's a lot of fucking issues.

And why do we have Forrest Fucking Gump at our helm?

Like Forrest. Bush has led a charmed life, in which mediocrity, error and failure have had no consequences other than to produce success. An indifferent student, Bush attended both Yale and Harvard, escaped service in Vietnam, escaped disgrace despite drunken driving, failed as an oil magnate only to be promoted to head the Texas Rangers baseball team and, lacking political experience, became governor of Texas.

His family and mentors paved the way for this untalented scion of privilege. Bush was the frat boy who never grew up. Indeed, the conclusion of the 2000 election contributed to this perception. A week before the voting Bush seemed solidly in the lead, but then Democratic operatives spread the story of Bush's youthful DUI arrest, and his support appeared to crumble.

Once again, though, his irons were pulled from the fire -- by his father's Supreme Court.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET.

Like these annoying questions from know it all reporters about that pesky Jack Abramoff. But check out his clever responses:

"I had my picture taken with him evidently. I've had my picture taken with a lot of people. Having my picture taken with someone doesn't mean that you know, I'm a friend with them, or know them very well. I've had my picture taken with you ... at Holiday parties ..... it's part of the job of President to shake hands and smile"

And of course we got those pesky reporters questioning your authority. How dare they.

REPORTER: That law was implemented in 1978 in part because of revelations that the NSA was spying domestically. What is wrong with that law that you feel you have to circumvent it and as you just admitted expand presidential power?

BUSH: May I, may I, may I, I might. You said that I have to "circumvent it" Uuhhhh there is, wait a minute, something, it's like saying you know, you're breaking the law. I'm not. See, that's what you've got to understand. I am upholding my duty.

Am I not the only one that expected him to giggle and say "Look, I said doody??"

*Sigh*

2006-01-25T00:43:00.000-08:00

R.I.P Nice Guy Eddie Cabot

I know that I mentioned earlier that I get my moniker, Mr. Bl@nde , from the classic RESERVOIR DOGS so it is with great sorrow we announce the passing of Nice Guy Eddie. Not that I am a huge Chris Penn fan, but I am quite fond of his brother and come on, the guy was in RESERVOIR DOGS!!!

Let's all remember Nice Guy Eddie in his prime: (from Reservoir Dogs)

Nice Guy Eddie: Did you see that daddy? Guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me.

Mr. Blonde: You wish.

Nice Guy Eddie: Listen Vic, I don't mind what you do, but don't try to fuck me in my father's office, I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.

Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.

Nice Guy Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.

**************************************************

Speaking of actors, I think I am starting to fall in love with George Clooney and his left wing liberal loving roots. He's getting right up there with Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, and Susan Sarandan as "left wing wacko actors" that I buy tickets to their movies (even if they are crap just for principle).

But George Clooney does not make much crap. "Syrianna" and "Good Night and Good Luck"? I'm fucking drooling.

Plus he gets points for making Jacl Abramoff's kid cry with his juvenile comment during the Golden Globes:

Clooney: I want to thank Jack Abramoff, you know, just because-I--I'm the first one out- lets get this thing rolling. I don't know why. Who would name their kid Jack with the last words "off" at the end of your last name? No wonder that guy is screwed up. Ahh-alright I just got bleeped. Thank you very much...

I mean seriously. Your dad is the biggest sleazeball in DC and a freaking jack off joke makes you cry???? Grow a pair, kid. Rough times are ahead.

________________________________________________

Speaking of Jack Abramoff, this made me laugh:

WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 1:45 p.m. ET Jan. 24, 2006
Jan. 24, 2006 - President George W. Bush found himself embroiled in controversy today with the publication of five photos showing him and disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff totally naked.

The photos, published yesterday in Payboy, a magazine devoted to nude pictures of disgraced lobbyists, appeared to fly in the face of the president's claims that he had never met Abramoff. The five photos, which appear to have been taken on five different occasions, show the two naked men smiling and shaking hands. "The fact that they are smiling and shaking hands proves that they know each other," said Davis Logsdon, the magazine's photo editor.

At the White House, the president's top advisers were working overtime to limit the political havoc that the nude photos could wreak. At a press briefing this morning, White House spokesman Scott McClellan spoke dismissively of the controversy, calling the brouhaha over the naked photos "a tempest in a teapot." McClellan said, "These naked pictures of the president and Jack Abramoff are nothing out of the ordinary. In the course of his daily schedule, the president poses nude with dozens of dignitaries."

McClellan said that the American people "would have no problem believing" that Bush posed naked with Abramoff on five different occasions without actually knowing who he was. "Our polls show that the American people think that most of the time the president is in the Oval Office, he does not know what he is doing," he said.

Elsewhere, Ford Motor Co. announced that it was cutting 30,000 jobs, including Job One.

2006-01-22T09:27:00.000-08:00

BROKEN FLOWERS BRING BAREBACK COWBOYS
OR MAYBE APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS
SOMETHING LIKE THAT ANYWAY

After much anticipation, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN finally came to an accessible theatre to me and let's just say the wait was well worth it. After seeing the movie, it irks me that people focus on the sex or call it a "gay cowboy" movie because it was neither. It's a love story, pure and simple. And a heartbreaking one at that.

Heath Ledger is amazing as Enis. If he does not get an Oscar, it's a bloody shame. Jake G was good as well, but if you look at it from afar, Jake was good only because Heath made him good. ENis is one of the most amazing portrayals I have seen on the silver screen.

So we know the story by now. Jake and Heath go up on the mountain and fall in love, yada yada yada , but it is really so much more than that. Enis goes up on that mountain and discovers LIFE and it changes him forever.

Enis is trudging through his life in a fog. It's apparent by the way he keeps to himself, speaks in guttural grunts and avoids eye contact that he is tormented. He fully knows who he is, but this is Wyoming in 1963 and due to a life lesson learned as a young kid, he knows what happenes to gay people in the West. So, he does what is expected of him and has plans to get married and raise a bunch of younguns.

Jack's past is a little less detailed but you can assume he has had his share of gay cowpokes and one night stands, but when you bring a person to life like Enis, you can't help but fall in love.

Now let me just say the sex is overrated in this movie, but that's OK. Sex really is not an issue.

All of the actor's are amazing in this, especially Michelle Williams. Her reaction after four years of marriage when Enis is "reborn" is amazing and she deserves a supporting actress nod.

What follows after Brokeback Mountain is what pretty much what every gay couple since 1963 has discovered. The world really isn't too tolerant of your love so we see a "Same Time. Next Year" scenario between Jack and Enis where they live for the time they have together and falal into the "normal life" the rest of the time.

It's real. It's heartbreaking. It's an incredible movie.

* * * * * out of * * * * *

Next, through Netflix, we received the Bill Murray vehicle, BROKEN FLOWERS. In this, Murray plays the same role he played in RUSHMORE and LOST IN TRANSLATION, the middle aged man with money and finds that really brings him nothing as he really has no reason to live. But this role never gets old with Murray.

Does anyone play dissatisfied with life better than Murray? Seriously, no other actor can get so much out of a look or stare than Murray. He plays downtrodden so well and has really become a underappreciated actor.

In this scenario, Murray is the aging Don Juan and just went through his latest break up with barely a blink when he gets a mysterious pink letter. In it, it is revealed that he fathered a son 19 years ago and his son is looking for him. Burray, complacent, disregards his letter until his neighbor, living vicariously through Murray because he is trapped in surburbia with wife and kids, sets Murray up on a trip through his dating past to see who sent the letters.

Grudgingly, Murray sets off on his journey, complete with mapquest directions and a mix cd. It's a plodding and SOLITARY journey for Murray (consider it "Sideways" without the buddy comedy) who drops in unexpectedly on four former lovers (great cast w/ Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone, Frances Conroy). The results range from hilarious to uncomfortable, but Murray takes something from each stop in his journey.

The most uncomfortable thing is imagining Bill Murray sleeping with Ruth Fischer. AARRGGHH!!! Six Feet Under fans will relate.

And just remember, it's not the point of the journey, but the journey itself that can be life-changing.

* * * * out of * * * * *

Now most of the complaints I have seen on both of these movies concerns the PACING. Now seriously, are we so ADD of a society that something has to be constantly happening on the screen to keep our attention??? I remember how freaking incredible the movie HEAT was when I saw it and then saw no one saw it because they were scared away by the RUNNING TIME?

Some movies take 15 minutes to tell the story. Some take 3 and a half hours. As long as the characters are progressed, I could sit through a five hour movie with Kevin Spacey and Samuel Jackson....

Now I admit that a couple of times, I got annoyed with the pacing of BROKEN FLOWERS as it was SOOOO deliberate, but I get the point. This was the journey Murray had to take by himself but each glimpse of Murray provided nuance into his character.

But people saying that BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was boring??? Come on??? IS it that, or do some people just have to bitch about SOMETHING???

2006-01-16T09:21:00.000-08:00

Now everybody do the propoganda and sing along in the age of paranoia.

Methinks the Republicans in Florida are getting nervous about the 2006 elections. They are talking putting the whole gay marriage thing on the ballot. Unfortunately for them, the petition drive to get this thing on the ballot is losing steam and it appears that it will not see the light of day.

Concerned, the Florida Republican party contributed $150,000 to keep this alive and get it on the ballot. You would think that we were trying to outlaw NASCAR here.

But there is just ONE SMALL THING wrong with this.

Florida already HAS a gay marriage law on the books.

Shortly after Clinton and Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, Florida lawmakers scrambled to put a law on the books banning Florida marriage.

Almost 9 years ago.

So why the fuss now? Realizing that Democrats may finally get off their ass to exorcise the demons of 2000 and soundly trounce Katherine Harris, plus the general public is fed up with W, Iraq, Tom DeLay, CIA leaks, government spying, faulty Hurricane aid, an even faultier budget, and no prospect of things getting better..... the Florida Republican party is trotting out the issue of boys kissing boys for the November election.

To stir up the evangelicals and toothless rednecks that cheered the bashing in "Boys Don't Cry".

This is extremely hypocritical and well, extremely Republican to say the least.

Remember, Repubs have long ranted about "special interest" groups abusing the amendment process to clog up the Constitution with "unnecessary" amendments.

This is as useless as it gets.

Is anyone surprised really?

*sigh*

2006-01-14T08:46:00.000-08:00

American Parents Uncovered

As a Netflix addict, I love the fact that I can get virtually any independent film ever created in my mailbox in just a few days. Being that Whorelando (despite being the 23rd largest "city" in the U.S, most of the truly great films pass us by entirely. We are a mecca for the Arts here in Central Florida (sneers).

So it was with much anticipation that I awaited the release of THE CHUMSCRUBBER. It starred the kid from Billy Elliott (Jamie Bell has an amazing American accent --- maybe Colin Farrell should study him, by the way) and a list of A and B list stars in what looks to be a great ensemble piece.

I have to say I was floored by this film.

It. is. Amazing.

A lot of the people that posted it and bashed it compared it to the incredible AMERICAN BEAUTY and the better than average but overrated DONNIE DARKO. The cynical look at surburbia, the clueless parents, the score of the movie. Yes, it is all similar, but get over it.

This is a teenage movie. Without being a teenage movie. There are no people having sex with pies, and no ugly ducking becoming a beauty at the prom. Instead this movie captures the angst and isolation of being a kid today with a great deal of humor to boot.

At the beginning of the film, Jamie Bell (Dean) discovers his best friend has committed suicide yet does not mention this to anyone, thinking no one would care. Of course, this isolates him even more amoung his family and friends and Dean becomes a target of Billy (Justin Chatwin) who wants the drugs that the dead kid had stashed. Since Dean was the dead kids friend, he kidnaps Deans "younger brother" to get him to comply.

I loved the poke at surburbia where the dead kids Mom had her kids memorial service the same day as a wedding took place. Right across the street from each other in this neighborhood. And the tough decisions it made for the surbanites:

MOM: That is hardly appropriate to wear to a memorial service.
DAD: Yea, you know, I was thinking of bouncing over to the wedding instead.

Shakespeare said that there is always a wedding in a comedy and a funeral in a tragedy. You get both with THE CHUMSCRUBBER. It manages to be darkly funny, while heart wrenching agonizing at the same time.

And the cast? OMG. Ralph Fiennes as the soon to be wed mayor. Glenn Close as the mom whose kid killed himself . William Fichtner as the pop psychologist that keeps his kids medicated. John Heard as the clueless and obsessive ex husband. Lauren Holly as the socialite bride to be. Allison Janney as the unappreciated Mom. Carrie-Anne Moss as the sex kitten Mom. and Justin Chatwin. Just for being so fucking hot.

Amazing. Next to CRASH, the best ensemble piece of the year. It's not perfect, but pretty damn close.

* * * * 1/2 out of * * * * *

Now, about Justin Chatwin......

"The Chumscrubber" was the second thing I have seen recently (the first being the first episode of "Weeds" that I have stopped and hopped onto IMDB to see who the hottie was. I have to admit, I wasn't that impressed with him in W O T Worlds, but I like the punked out Justin Chatwin better ....

You decide below...

2006-01-13T07:56:00.000-08:00

The Brit is back

Those that read my previous blog may remember my mate Sebastian, who I used to work with like two jobs ago. He was always one of my favorite people just because I have an obsessive fascination with British accents. Anyway, he spent like the last year in London, but apparently his job is bringing him back to Florida.

And I am so hella hyped.

We went out last night for a few drinks and I was called a "shaved chimp" in that wonderful harsh British accent. God, I missed that. So Sebs enchanted Justin and I for hours with his long winded tales of London-hood. God, I can listen to that man talk forever.

Ok, off on another topic ...... How freaking bad is it that NO THEATRES in ORLANDO are showing BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN this week???

The 23rd largest metro area in the US??? And no Heath Ledger pounding Jake Gyllenhaal unmercifully?? Come on!!!

Are you having a go with me???

Unfortunately not?

The Bible Belt sucks.

2006-01-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

21 Fun Facts about Bl@nde
AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE

1. I am the youngest of seven kids.
2. 21 is my favorite number and was my number when I played baseball and football. I also wore 1.3, and 7 and consider these numbers sacred.
3. I have way too much black and blue in my wardrobe.
4. I cried like a baby when Kurt Cobain died.
5. I secretly like Good Charlotte even though it annoys me that kids call them punk.
6. I think 85% of the general public are fucking idiots.
7. I openly dislike about 85% of all people and have an inherent distrust of new people.
8. I was bitten by a shark when surfing and have a shark tattoo surrounding the scar.
9. I have never been bitten by a dog but have frequently teased them and have been told "That dog is going to bite you if you keep that up".
10. I have been bitten by humans twice in a fight though.
11. I love to be bitten on my neck during sex.
12. I have a biting sense of humor and most people think I am an asshole when they first meet me.
13. In reality, I AM an asshole. And if you don't like it, fuck off.
14. I secretly wish I had a British or Australian accent.
15. I don't think 16 year olds are mature enough to drive.
16. I have two middle names.
17. I don't get the appeal of straight guys and breasts. If a guy has two large bags of fat on his chest I would send him to the gym.
18. Gay guys that are obsessed with breasts annoy the hell out of me.
19. As well as gay guys that make out with chicks and then post the pics on myspace. I don't get it.
20. I hate sitting next to strangers at a ballgame or the movies, etc and insist I sit in the middle when going to these places with friends.
21. Most people did not really "get" Seinfeld.

FREE BONUS FACTS: Told you I had a thing about the number 21
**. I have way too much "Simpsons" crap but am always buying new shit off of E-bay.
**. I have not listened to a "pop" radio station in at least 5 years.
**. When I look at the Billboard Top 100 charts, I have no fucking clue who most of the bands are.
**. The Green Day concert made me feel old because when they started to play "Longview" the kids next to us looked confused and asked each other "What song is this?"
**. I have had a crush on Billie Joe Armstrong for over a decade.
**. The best music ever was released between 1992 - 1997.
**. I think that "popping the collar" on polo shirts looks incredi-fucking-ly stupid.
**. I think that parents get worse and worse every day.
**. Looking back, I am thankful that my parents were incredibly strict on me as a kid and wish I had told them that sooner
**: Song for song, Rancid's "Let's go" and "Out come the wolves" deserve a place in the top 20 albums ever.
**. "Arrested Development" is the most incredible show on TV right now.
**. It infuriates me that people are too stupid to get a show like that and watch "According to Jim" instead.
**. Sadly, I think that "Lost" has jumped the shark.
**. As did "Nip/Tuck"
**. But the Simpson's still has not "jumped the shark"
**. I do not have a fag hag.
**. Nor do I own a CD by Cher, Madonna, or any other diva.
**. Marrying Madonna fucked up Guy Ritchie's movies.
**. My favorite word is "cunt".
**. The Beastie Boys "Liscensed to Ill" is sheer brilliance.
**. The Beastie Boys are too old to be rapping now.
**. I don't think I have seen a music video on MTV in three years or so.
**. I am over this list now and will post a real entry later.

2006-01-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

One step forward, three steps back (The Intelligent Design Dance)

Am I the only one amazed that in the year 2006, we are still debating EVOLUTION??? Oh, I'm sorry.... intelligent design. How is it that the right wing has repackaged the Old Testament and is trying to shove it down the throats of school children all over again??

Fortunately some states have seen through this bullshit and nipped this blatant attempt to get creationism into our science books in the bud. But alas, in the state of Florida, Governor Duh (Jeb Bush as he is known in other circles) has opened the door to debate saying that we need to be open minded and review all options. You know it's bad when a Republican says we need to be open minded.

Lots of people have asked if I thought that Jeb would run for President in 2008. I really don't think that he would even if W made it through the next 3 years without getting impeached. And even if he did run, he would have no chance in hell of being elected as Jeb is a practicing Catholic and that would no doubt piss off all the Evangelical Christians that put W and Daddy in office.

When I was in college, I had an Evangelical tell me that Catholics ate babies and were doomed to hell.

While we don't eat babies, we are an archaic religion. Take for instance the whole condom issue. I really hoped that Pope Bennie would come out and say, "Look, we have too many fucking diseases and such and way too far many unwanted babies die to the rhythm method which is NOT working, so yo, put a bag on it." It only makes sense for a religion so concerned about abortion and such that we try to curb the numbers of unwanted children being born and are subsequently aborted by irresponsible teenage girls and their insipid parents. (Bl@nde note: I am all for a woman's right to do as she wishes with her body, but I don't like abortion as birth control).

But now we expose the real hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. Now, homosexuality is bad, bad, bad. Even the priests that are gay get re-assigned to new churches where no one know them and they have to rebuild their gay network.

So I am guessing I am doomed to hell for being a gay boy. That is definitely one big gay strike against me but please higher being, do consider that Justin and I do NOT use condoms. So isn't that worth anything at all?

Maybe a brief stint in Purgatory so we can say "Hail Marys" to save our big gay asses??

Religion is confusing.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.