Thursday, January 26, 2006

I hate the way you talk too.

My head hurts.

Has anyone else been watching Bush's press conference this morning?

The reporters are ripping him to shreds, bringing up everything from the Palestine elections, broken promises to New Orleans, out of control government spending, government spying, Iran nuclear weapons, our over extended army, Jack Abramoff, more unnecessary tax cuts, North Korea, the CIA leak, the President abusing his constitutional authority, unnecessarily and oh yea, Osama Bin Laden.

Wow, that's a lot of fucking issues.

And why do we have Forrest Fucking Gump at our helm?

Like Forrest. Bush has led a charmed life, in which mediocrity, error and failure have had no consequences other than to produce success. An indifferent student, Bush attended both Yale and Harvard, escaped service in Vietnam, escaped disgrace despite drunken driving, failed as an oil magnate only to be promoted to head the Texas Rangers baseball team and, lacking political experience, became governor of Texas.

His family and mentors paved the way for this untalented scion of privilege. Bush was the frat boy who never grew up. Indeed, the conclusion of the 2000 election contributed to this perception. A week before the voting Bush seemed solidly in the lead, but then Democratic operatives spread the story of Bush's youthful DUI arrest, and his support appeared to crumble.

Once again, though, his irons were pulled from the fire -- by his father's Supreme Court.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET.

Like these annoying questions from know it all reporters about that pesky Jack Abramoff. But check out his clever responses:

"I had my picture taken with him evidently. I've had my picture taken with a lot of people. Having my picture taken with someone doesn't mean that you know, I'm a friend with them, or know them very well. I've had my picture taken with you ... at Holiday parties ..... it's part of the job of President to shake hands and smile"

And of course we got those pesky reporters questioning your authority. How dare they.

REPORTER: That law was implemented in 1978 in part because of revelations that the NSA was spying domestically. What is wrong with that law that you feel you have to circumvent it and as you just admitted expand presidential power?

BUSH: May I, may I, may I, I might. You said that I have to "circumvent it" Uuhhhh there is, wait a minute, something, it's like saying you know, you're breaking the law. I'm not. See, that's what you've got to understand. I am upholding my duty.

Am I not the only one that expected him to giggle and say "Look, I said doody??"

*Sigh*

Wednesday, January 25, 2006




R.I.P Nice Guy Eddie Cabot

I know that I mentioned earlier that I get my moniker, Mr. Bl@nde , from the classic RESERVOIR DOGS so it is with great sorrow we announce the passing of Nice Guy Eddie. Not that I am a huge Chris Penn fan, but I am quite fond of his brother and come on, the guy was in RESERVOIR DOGS!!!

Let's all remember Nice Guy Eddie in his prime: (from Reservoir Dogs)

Nice Guy Eddie: Did you see that daddy? Guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me.

Mr. Blonde: You wish.

Nice Guy Eddie: Listen Vic, I don't mind what you do, but don't try to fuck me in my father's office, I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.

Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.

Nice Guy Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.

**************************************************

Speaking of actors, I think I am starting to fall in love with George Clooney and his left wing liberal loving roots. He's getting right up there with Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, and Susan Sarandan as "left wing wacko actors" that I buy tickets to their movies (even if they are crap just for principle).

But George Clooney does not make much crap. "Syrianna" and "Good Night and Good Luck"? I'm fucking drooling.

Plus he gets points for making Jacl Abramoff's kid cry with his juvenile comment during the Golden Globes:

Clooney: I want to thank Jack Abramoff, you know, just because-I--I'm the first one out- lets get this thing rolling. I don't know why. Who would name their kid Jack with the last words "off" at the end of your last name? No wonder that guy is screwed up. Ahh-alright I just got bleeped. Thank you very much...

I mean seriously. Your dad is the biggest sleazeball in DC and a freaking jack off joke makes you cry???? Grow a pair, kid. Rough times are ahead.

________________________________________________

Speaking of Jack Abramoff, this made me laugh:

WEB-EXCLUSIVE SATIRE
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 1:45 p.m. ET Jan. 24, 2006
Jan. 24, 2006 - President George W. Bush found himself embroiled in controversy today with the publication of five photos showing him and disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff totally naked.

The photos, published yesterday in Payboy, a magazine devoted to nude pictures of disgraced lobbyists, appeared to fly in the face of the president's claims that he had never met Abramoff. The five photos, which appear to have been taken on five different occasions, show the two naked men smiling and shaking hands. "The fact that they are smiling and shaking hands proves that they know each other," said Davis Logsdon, the magazine's photo editor.


At the White House, the president's top advisers were working overtime to limit the political havoc that the nude photos could wreak. At a press briefing this morning, White House spokesman Scott McClellan spoke dismissively of the controversy, calling the brouhaha over the naked photos "a tempest in a teapot." McClellan said, "These naked pictures of the president and Jack Abramoff are nothing out of the ordinary. In the course of his daily schedule, the president poses nude with dozens of dignitaries."


McClellan said that the American people "would have no problem believing" that Bush posed naked with Abramoff on five different occasions without actually knowing who he was. "Our polls show that the American people think that most of the time the president is in the Oval Office, he does not know what he is doing," he said.


Elsewhere, Ford Motor Co. announced that it was cutting 30,000 jobs, including Job One.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


BROKEN FLOWERS BRING BAREBACK COWBOYS
OR MAYBE APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS
SOMETHING LIKE THAT ANYWAY

After much anticipation, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN finally came to an accessible theatre to me and let's just say the wait was well worth it. After seeing the movie, it irks me that people focus on the sex or call it a "gay cowboy" movie because it was neither. It's a love story, pure and simple. And a heartbreaking one at that.

Heath Ledger is amazing as Enis. If he does not get an Oscar, it's a bloody shame. Jake G was good as well, but if you look at it from afar, Jake was good only because Heath made him good. ENis is one of the most amazing portrayals I have seen on the silver screen.

So we know the story by now. Jake and Heath go up on the mountain and fall in love, yada yada yada , but it is really so much more than that. Enis goes up on that mountain and discovers LIFE and it changes him forever.

Enis is trudging through his life in a fog. It's apparent by the way he keeps to himself, speaks in guttural grunts and avoids eye contact that he is tormented. He fully knows who he is, but this is Wyoming in 1963 and due to a life lesson learned as a young kid, he knows what happenes to gay people in the West. So, he does what is expected of him and has plans to get married and raise a bunch of younguns.

Jack's past is a little less detailed but you can assume he has had his share of gay cowpokes and one night stands, but when you bring a person to life like Enis, you can't help but fall in love.

Now let me just say the sex is overrated in this movie, but that's OK. Sex really is not an issue.

All of the actor's are amazing in this, especially Michelle Williams. Her reaction after four years of marriage when Enis is "reborn" is amazing and she deserves a supporting actress nod.

What follows after Brokeback Mountain is what pretty much what every gay couple since 1963 has discovered. The world really isn't too tolerant of your love so we see a "Same Time. Next Year" scenario between Jack and Enis where they live for the time they have together and falal into the "normal life" the rest of the time.

It's real. It's heartbreaking. It's an incredible movie.

* * * * * out of * * * * *

Next, through Netflix, we received the Bill Murray vehicle, BROKEN FLOWERS. In this, Murray plays the same role he played in RUSHMORE and LOST IN TRANSLATION, the middle aged man with money and finds that really brings him nothing as he really has no reason to live. But this role never gets old with Murray.

Does anyone play dissatisfied with life better than Murray? Seriously, no other actor can get so much out of a look or stare than Murray. He plays downtrodden so well and has really become a underappreciated actor.

In this scenario, Murray is the aging Don Juan and just went through his latest break up with barely a blink when he gets a mysterious pink letter. In it, it is revealed that he fathered a son 19 years ago and his son is looking for him. Burray, complacent, disregards his letter until his neighbor, living vicariously through Murray because he is trapped in surburbia with wife and kids, sets Murray up on a trip through his dating past to see who sent the letters.

Grudgingly, Murray sets off on his journey, complete with mapquest directions and a mix cd. It's a plodding and SOLITARY journey for Murray (consider it "Sideways" without the buddy comedy) who drops in unexpectedly on four former lovers (great cast w/ Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone, Frances Conroy). The results range from hilarious to uncomfortable, but Murray takes something from each stop in his journey.

The most uncomfortable thing is imagining Bill Murray sleeping with Ruth Fischer. AARRGGHH!!! Six Feet Under fans will relate.

And just remember, it's not the point of the journey, but the journey itself that can be life-changing.

* * * * out of * * * * *

Now most of the complaints I have seen on both of these movies concerns the PACING. Now seriously, are we so ADD of a society that something has to be constantly happening on the screen to keep our attention??? I remember how freaking incredible the movie HEAT was when I saw it and then saw no one saw it because they were scared away by the RUNNING TIME?

Some movies take 15 minutes to tell the story. Some take 3 and a half hours. As long as the characters are progressed, I could sit through a five hour movie with Kevin Spacey and Samuel Jackson....

Now I admit that a couple of times, I got annoyed with the pacing of BROKEN FLOWERS as it was SOOOO deliberate, but I get the point. This was the journey Murray had to take by himself but each glimpse of Murray provided nuance into his character.

But people saying that BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was boring??? Come on??? IS it that, or do some people just have to bitch about SOMETHING???







Monday, January 16, 2006

Now everybody do the propoganda and sing along in the age of paranoia.

Methinks the Republicans in Florida are getting nervous about the 2006 elections. They are talking putting the whole gay marriage thing on the ballot. Unfortunately for them, the petition drive to get this thing on the ballot is losing steam and it appears that it will not see the light of day.

Concerned, the Florida Republican party contributed $150,000 to keep this alive and get it on the ballot. You would think that we were trying to outlaw NASCAR here.

But there is just ONE SMALL THING wrong with this.

Florida already HAS a gay marriage law on the books.

Shortly after Clinton and Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, Florida lawmakers scrambled to put a law on the books banning Florida marriage.

Almost 9 years ago.

So why the fuss now? Realizing that Democrats may finally get off their ass to exorcise the demons of 2000 and soundly trounce Katherine Harris, plus the general public is fed up with W, Iraq, Tom DeLay, CIA leaks, government spying, faulty Hurricane aid, an even faultier budget, and no prospect of things getting better..... the Florida Republican party is trotting out the issue of boys kissing boys for the November election.

To stir up the evangelicals and toothless rednecks that cheered the bashing in "Boys Don't Cry".

This is extremely hypocritical and well, extremely Republican to say the least.

Remember, Repubs have long ranted about "special interest" groups abusing the amendment process to clog up the Constitution with "unnecessary" amendments.

This is as useless as it gets.

Is anyone surprised really?

*sigh*

Saturday, January 14, 2006



American Parents Uncovered

As a Netflix addict, I love the fact that I can get virtually any independent film ever created in my mailbox in just a few days. Being that Whorelando (despite being the 23rd largest "city" in the U.S, most of the truly great films pass us by entirely. We are a mecca for the Arts here in Central Florida (sneers).

So it was with much anticipation that I awaited the release of THE CHUMSCRUBBER. It starred the kid from Billy Elliott (Jamie Bell has an amazing American accent --- maybe Colin Farrell should study him, by the way) and a list of A and B list stars in what looks to be a great ensemble piece.

I have to say I was floored by this film.

It. is. Amazing.

A lot of the people that posted it and bashed it compared it to the incredible AMERICAN BEAUTY and the better than average but overrated DONNIE DARKO. The cynical look at surburbia, the clueless parents, the score of the movie. Yes, it is all similar, but get over it.

This is a teenage movie. Without being a teenage movie. There are no people having sex with pies, and no ugly ducking becoming a beauty at the prom. Instead this movie captures the angst and isolation of being a kid today with a great deal of humor to boot.

At the beginning of the film, Jamie Bell (Dean) discovers his best friend has committed suicide yet does not mention this to anyone, thinking no one would care. Of course, this isolates him even more amoung his family and friends and Dean becomes a target of Billy (Justin Chatwin) who wants the drugs that the dead kid had stashed. Since Dean was the dead kids friend, he kidnaps Deans "younger brother" to get him to comply.

I loved the poke at surburbia where the dead kids Mom had her kids memorial service the same day as a wedding took place. Right across the street from each other in this neighborhood. And the tough decisions it made for the surbanites:

MOM: That is hardly appropriate to wear to a memorial service.
DAD: Yea, you know, I was thinking of bouncing over to the wedding instead.

Shakespeare said that there is always a wedding in a comedy and a funeral in a tragedy. You get both with THE CHUMSCRUBBER. It manages to be darkly funny, while heart wrenching agonizing at the same time.

And the cast? OMG. Ralph Fiennes as the soon to be wed mayor. Glenn Close as the mom whose kid killed himself . William Fichtner as the pop psychologist that keeps his kids medicated. John Heard as the clueless and obsessive ex husband. Lauren Holly as the socialite bride to be. Allison Janney as the unappreciated Mom. Carrie-Anne Moss as the sex kitten Mom. and Justin Chatwin. Just for being so fucking hot.

Amazing. Next to CRASH, the best ensemble piece of the year. It's not perfect, but pretty damn close.

* * * * 1/2 out of * * * * *

Now, about Justin Chatwin......

"The Chumscrubber" was the second thing I have seen recently (the first being the first episode of "Weeds" that I have stopped and hopped onto IMDB to see who the hottie was. I have to admit, I wasn't that impressed with him in W O T Worlds, but I like the punked out Justin Chatwin better ....

You decide below...

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Brit is back

Those that read my previous blog may remember my mate Sebastian, who I used to work with like two jobs ago. He was always one of my favorite people just because I have an obsessive fascination with British accents. Anyway, he spent like the last year in London, but apparently his job is bringing him back to Florida.

And I am so hella hyped.

We went out last night for a few drinks and I was called a "shaved chimp" in that wonderful harsh British accent. God, I missed that. So Sebs enchanted Justin and I for hours with his long winded tales of London-hood. God, I can listen to that man talk forever.

Ok, off on another topic ...... How freaking bad is it that NO THEATRES in ORLANDO are showing BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN this week???

The 23rd largest metro area in the US??? And no Heath Ledger pounding Jake Gyllenhaal unmercifully?? Come on!!!

Are you having a go with me???

Unfortunately not?

The Bible Belt sucks.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

21 Fun Facts about Bl@nde
AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE

1. I am the youngest of seven kids.
2. 21 is my favorite number and was my number when I played baseball and football. I also wore 1.3, and 7 and consider these numbers sacred.
3. I have way too much black and blue in my wardrobe.
4. I cried like a baby when Kurt Cobain died.
5. I secretly like Good Charlotte even though it annoys me that kids call them punk.
6. I think 85% of the general public are fucking idiots.
7. I openly dislike about 85% of all people and have an inherent distrust of new people.
8. I was bitten by a shark when surfing and have a shark tattoo surrounding the scar.
9. I have never been bitten by a dog but have frequently teased them and have been told "That dog is going to bite you if you keep that up".
10. I have been bitten by humans twice in a fight though.
11. I love to be bitten on my neck during sex.
12. I have a biting sense of humor and most people think I am an asshole when they first meet me.
13. In reality, I AM an asshole. And if you don't like it, fuck off.
14. I secretly wish I had a British or Australian accent.
15. I don't think 16 year olds are mature enough to drive.
16. I have two middle names.
17. I don't get the appeal of straight guys and breasts. If a guy has two large bags of fat on his chest I would send him to the gym.
18. Gay guys that are obsessed with breasts annoy the hell out of me.
19. As well as gay guys that make out with chicks and then post the pics on myspace. I don't get it.
20. I hate sitting next to strangers at a ballgame or the movies, etc and insist I sit in the middle when going to these places with friends.
21. Most people did not really "get" Seinfeld.

FREE BONUS FACTS: Told you I had a thing about the number 21
**. I have way too much "Simpsons" crap but am always buying new shit off of E-bay.
**. I have not listened to a "pop" radio station in at least 5 years.
**. When I look at the Billboard Top 100 charts, I have no fucking clue who most of the bands are.
**. The Green Day concert made me feel old because when they started to play "Longview" the kids next to us looked confused and asked each other "What song is this?"
**. I have had a crush on Billie Joe Armstrong for over a decade.
**. The best music ever was released between 1992 - 1997.
**. I think that "popping the collar" on polo shirts looks incredi-fucking-ly stupid.
**. I think that parents get worse and worse every day.
**. Looking back, I am thankful that my parents were incredibly strict on me as a kid and wish I had told them that sooner
**: Song for song, Rancid's "Let's go" and "Out come the wolves" deserve a place in the top 20 albums ever.
**. "Arrested Development" is the most incredible show on TV right now.
**. It infuriates me that people are too stupid to get a show like that and watch "According to Jim" instead.
**. Sadly, I think that "Lost" has jumped the shark.
**. As did "Nip/Tuck"
**. But the Simpson's still has not "jumped the shark"
**. I do not have a fag hag.
**. Nor do I own a CD by Cher, Madonna, or any other diva.
**. Marrying Madonna fucked up Guy Ritchie's movies.
**. My favorite word is "cunt".
**. The Beastie Boys "Liscensed to Ill" is sheer brilliance.
**. The Beastie Boys are too old to be rapping now.
**. I don't think I have seen a music video on MTV in three years or so.
**. I am over this list now and will post a real entry later.



Tuesday, January 03, 2006

One step forward, three steps back (The Intelligent Design Dance)

Am I the only one amazed that in the year 2006, we are still debating EVOLUTION??? Oh, I'm sorry.... intelligent design. How is it that the right wing has repackaged the Old Testament and is trying to shove it down the throats of school children all over again??

Fortunately some states have seen through this bullshit and nipped this blatant attempt to get creationism into our science books in the bud. But alas, in the state of Florida, Governor Duh (Jeb Bush as he is known in other circles) has opened the door to debate saying that we need to be open minded and review all options. You know it's bad when a Republican says we need to be open minded.

Lots of people have asked if I thought that Jeb would run for President in 2008. I really don't think that he would even if W made it through the next 3 years without getting impeached. And even if he did run, he would have no chance in hell of being elected as Jeb is a practicing Catholic and that would no doubt piss off all the Evangelical Christians that put W and Daddy in office.

When I was in college, I had an Evangelical tell me that Catholics ate babies and were doomed to hell.

While we don't eat babies, we are an archaic religion. Take for instance the whole condom issue. I really hoped that Pope Bennie would come out and say, "Look, we have too many fucking diseases and such and way too far many unwanted babies die to the rhythm method which is NOT working, so yo, put a bag on it." It only makes sense for a religion so concerned about abortion and such that we try to curb the numbers of unwanted children being born and are subsequently aborted by irresponsible teenage girls and their insipid parents. (Bl@nde note: I am all for a woman's right to do as she wishes with her body, but I don't like abortion as birth control).

But now we expose the real hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. Now, homosexuality is bad, bad, bad. Even the priests that are gay get re-assigned to new churches where no one know them and they have to rebuild their gay network.

So I am guessing I am doomed to hell for being a gay boy. That is definitely one big gay strike against me but please higher being, do consider that Justin and I do NOT use condoms. So isn't that worth anything at all?

Maybe a brief stint in Purgatory so we can say "Hail Marys" to save our big gay asses??

Religion is confusing.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.